Now it seems i realized that being in opposite worlds makes one the object of desire for being what we would like ourselves to be. But not completely. What we had was desirable from our points of view, but brought together were not in fact easily inclusive. I love how you are professional, but I would like you to be less professional from time to time and enjoy life a bit more. Or talk to me. Or I love how you are active and energetic and full of desire to go out and about, but that doesn’t feel secure and relaxing as it would be if you would’ve focused on your job. I don’t know how to fix these things in my head for long enough to find a place where my brain is finally happy.

Why isn’t my brain happy? I actually struggle to know why!

We were in such positions that we would judge each other for what we liked about ourselves. That was my case anyway, not that I ever felt included. For me it was like this: I liked what you did, but not all of it. You on the other hand did not like what I did, pretty much all of it. We can easily respect and care for one another, but bring us together and it doesn’t seem to fit. How does my sociability and learning and being career oriented go with your relaxation and adventureness? I do appreciate it, but does it blend?

I like experimenting out of myself, but if I fail to find common ground in the things that mean the world to me, then it’s no use. I get depressed, I miss things. I don’t seem to find my place. I wish it would be easy and I would find it, because this is indeed just a problem, it’s not something we need to live with.But it causes me so much anguish. UGH


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